"Driftwood" DC Comics Young Romance Pencils: John Rosenberger Number 158 1969
I'm sure you have all heard the 'Old Wife's Tale' that women are attracted to money because they find nothing sexier than security. Well I'm here to tell you that that is a complete fabrication.
What woman really look for in a man is the need to be changed, changed by force if necessary. Nothing is hotter than a man who just doesn't currently live up to your expectations.
And I mean nothing.
In 'Driftwood' we meet Ellen Morse a young girl living the fantasy when she meets Ray Fleming a man who is the epitome of what you want to not want in a boyfriend. (Wow! I think I'm getting a crush already!)
That's right Ray salt water kisses do taste like tears. They really do.
Every summer Pier City fills with loser men just waiting to be changed and Ellen Morse knows it. With the instinct of a hunter Ellen pin-points a perfect hunting ground - the bus stop. Always a good place meet a man, who at the very least, really needs to buy a car.
This time Ellen hits the jack-pot because, Ray Fleming doesn't only need to buy a car, he can't even afford an apartment.
Wanting this one for herself Ellen both suggests a a place run by an older woman she sees as being no competition for Ray's affections and she also drives him there is her daddy's car.
On the trip she learns that Ray, in addition to needing a car and not being able to afford an apartment, also wants to be a beach-comber. How she doesn't jump him right then and there I'll never know.
While Mrs. Hines may not be any real competition even she can't curb her enthusiasm for the newly arrived good-for-nothing. And she quickly gives him her best room and even says she'll make him breakfast something she certainly wouldn't do for just anyone.
Upon parting ways Ray agrees to give Ellen a call and on their first date, after Ray implies that his is kind of a Casanova, Ellen can not help but fall into his arms.
But while Ellen is starting to suspect that this may be the only man she ever wants to change for the rest of her life, Ray can only think of her as a chick with some phat ca$h. Which, if Ellen would have known, would have really worked for her.
All is going well until Ellen makes the mistake of introducing Ray to her best friend Virginia Clemens, a girl whose family's 'old money' makes Ellen look like a Dickenian street urchin. Who instantly, seeing what a fixer upper Ellen had scored herself, concocted a plan to make him hers.
At the party Ray's sexy weakness of character maded it easy work for Virginia to steal him away.
And instantly Virginia gets to work on changing Ray by improving his kissing technique and upgrading him from his bus pass.
The clothes were next on the agenda but there was something that Virginia hadn't considered.
That Ellen had already started to change him.
And she had made a change that helped bring Ray back to her.
And with so many other changes needed can there be any questions that they lived happily ever after.
I know you were all afraid Spectergirl forgot about you this week, but have no fear, I am here. Besides, today's question is 38 years old, I don't think another 24 hours is going to kill anyone.
(originally answered incorrectly in DC Comics' Heart Throbs #144)
Your mother needs to get laid. You didn't mention your father in your letter so I will have to assume that he is either not in the picture or just not up to the task.
Since you are writing for advice from a comic book I am going to again assume you're in your teens and since your letter was written in 1972 my time machine calculator tells me your mother is in her thirties. That means she is, in layman's terms, in the middle of her sexual peak. We in the biz know it as the "Why are your pants still on?" phase. And what a wild ride it is! I'll let you know how it turns out.
If you really care about this Steve keep him far away from your mother. If you also really care about your mother introduce her to Steve's brother.
"Swinger Turned Square" Charlton Comics Sweethearts Number 117 1971
Okay, let me be honest. I totally picked this story for its title. Oh, and for the fact that the woman in green and white on the splash page looks like she is doing the robot. But that doesn't mean this story isn't fantastic! Of course it is. On As Told To Stan Lee we would have it no other way.
How did you spend your early twenties? If you were anything like me you spent your days between work and class and most nights in some smoky club with sticky floors and too loud music being hit on by men (and women) you could have no long-term interest in.
That is until the day you met that special someone. In my case it was when a cute art school student, with cool hair and kick-ass shoes (who had already been much discussed between me and my friends) handed me his phone number during his shift at the local music store. Who then, sporting a Robby the Robot t-shirt, brought over Forbidden Planet and Queen of Outer Space for our first date. What woman wouldn't love that? (Yeah, yeah, I was a cheap date but he was really cute. Not to mention he also showed sincere appreciation for my budding comic book collection.)
Well in "Swinger Turned Square" we meet Norma Barlow a young woman who takes her wild lifestyle a little too far.
And by too far I mean forgetting to both eat and sleep.
But her father wants his daughter healthy again and, calling upon all the dark forces at his disposal, summons a phantom hand to do his bidding and force his daughter to take time to truly recuperate.
But Norma quickly agrees which makes the calling upon the devil's minions seem a little uncalled for. And soon they are on their way to to small town in Pennsylvania that Norma refers to as "Creepy". (Sounds exciting doesn't it?)
Now, Charlton Comics being a class act, then takes this opportunity to teach their readers a little bit about creepy, creepy Pennsylvania.
Who knew it could be so fun to learn about geography.
Once Norma arrives at her Aunt's house she does what any girl would in her situation.
She fishes. A lot. And she enjoys it.
She not only enjoys it, she likes it so much she likes other people who like it. (Well I like fish, or at least blackened fish brought to me by a waiter, so it's kind of the same. )
Apparently sensing a kindred spirit Lew Clines give Norma one of his standard pick-up lines.
Now, Norma accepts the offer and breaks one of my own dating rules. Never, ever date someone who played football in high-school. They will inevitable have nothing going on for them afterword.
See, he just proved my point.
Anyway, after a conversation that makes you feel like you came into a movie 45 minutes late we get our happy ever after.
"See Yourself As He Sees You" DCComics Young Romance Number 207 1975
Okay, I certainly don't want Woman's History Month to go by COMPLETELY without any notice here on As Told to Stan Lee. But while you were all out burning your bra, some of us were wearing push-ups and learning how to steal your boyfriends.
But now that you have all THAT out of your system, please know that it is not too late even for you.
Thanks to the very diligent men of the DC Young Romance team, you too can learn the tricks of the trade. In just a few easy steps (and in two short pages) "See Yourself As He Sees You" can finally give you the keys to being the woman HE wants you to be.
For those of you that do not already know sometimes reading materials don't actually come in the form of pretty pictures and word balloons. (Sad, but there it is.)
For anyone in the surrounding vicinity or if you have some uncontrollable desire to visit Columbus, Ohio but still need an excuse, The Thurber House is once again hosting their Evening with Authors series of events.
April 1st - Christopher Moore. (One of my favorites!)
Since I have already secured my tickets, I feel it is safe to let the rest of the world know.
"The Man I Married!" Charlton Comics Stories of Brides in Love Number 19 1960
My closest friend is getting married. And, as is only proper, I have the honor of being part of the wedding party. In this case I am his "best man". (Don't let the name fool you, there is no penis required!)
Okay, so I hate weddings. I really, really do. Even my own was kind of a pain in the ass. And way too stressful. Now, I'll do it for him of course, and smile the whole time, but really, there had better be a damn good cake. And one not tainted with any fruit.
Anyway, in honor of a wedding I am thrilled about and dreading all at the same time, I wanted to bring you "The Man I Married" a nice little tale of a connection made between two people on more than just a physical level. (WHAT? That happened in a romance comic?)
Myra Sheldon is a beautiful, popular girl with a secret that has kept her from finding real lasting love within her own social circle. Yep, you guessed it, she's kind of smart.
Okay, so I don't plan to interrupt this story as is my habit, but the man in the blue/gray fedora above, that better be his sister's hand he's holding.
When I first discovered romance comics I was amazed. How had I never known that something so ridiculously wonderful existed? Romance stories where girls (which apparently ALL women prefer to be called, not just me!) were never truly complete without a man by their side. Girls that wanted nothing more than a boy to take them away from their day-to-day lives as store clerks, socialites, or, god forbid, unpopular high school students. *gasp*
Some of the best stories were from Marvel, where many of them touted "As Told to Stan Lee". Now don't get me wrong, Stan Lee rules, but I refuse to believe that any girl ever felt compelled to pour out her soul to him and then let him publish it all in comic form.
These comics where full of loneliness, "hip slang", rich men and misunderstood bad boys just waiting for the right girl to come along.
So, lets forget all about Elizabeth Gaskell and Jane Austen. Let's sit down and enjoy stories of secretaries and the architects that will let them quit their jobs and support them.
I am a great fan of comics, View-Masters, magazine and book cover illustrations from the 50's, 60's and 70's, as well as old horror films. So that I don't drive my husband too crazy (or distract him too long from his own obsessions) I have chosen to obsess to strangers.